janar_lacerra (janar_lacerra) wrote in swrp_naboo,
janar_lacerra
janar_lacerra
swrp_naboo

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Love and Hope

Atsushi has left me, it does not come as a surprise to me though, I could feel that it was coming. Its alright though, I need to focus on my many projects. The hospital being the main one at the moment. I have gotten the blueprints approved so its just a matter of finding a good contractor and starting to build. I am very excited about it. Its one of the few things that keep me positive, is thinking I can make a change, that I can make a difference in someone's life. 

Luckily I also got the Senator seat for Naboo in the Republic Senate. I absolutely love my job. It gives me a chance to do what I have always wanted to do. I have been waiting for this for many years now, since Roan first came to Naboo. I think I am doing a good job. It is stressful at times, because you have all the senators who were there before the Empire, than you have the new post-Empire ones coming in, me being one of them. They do not like us, not one bit and are at times trying to set us up to fail. I refuse to fail at this.

I suppose I feel like I need to prove myself. Prove that I am a responsible young adult. That I can do whatever I put my mind to, and that I can and will succeed at everything. I hate the feeling of failure. Its a feeling I know well though. All to well. I feel like my whole life I have failed at everything, I have failed at being a person. But not anymore.  I am not going to let anyone bring me down, why should I? I am a Princess, I am a Senator. I have what I have always wanted, I get to represent the people of Naboo, I get to try and help them. Ever since I realized I would not become queen at age 10, I knew I wanted to be a Senator. I want to follow in my mother's footsteps, even though I will never be permitted to be Queen of Naboo like my mother, by the rest of the family. I can do this, and treat it with the seriousness it should be treated, as if I was Queen. 

I guess I am just rambling now. The sore on my shoulder still has not gone away, it just seems to grow bigger and bigger, I don't really know what is wrong with it. Dr.Peacecraft hasn't a clue either, he has taken sample after sample, done all sorts of tests and still its a mystery.  It hurts a lot of the time, mostly at night when I try to sleep.

Everything has been going well lately. I have nothing to really say, which is bad.

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You are taking on a great responsibility with position of Senator for Naboo and I wish you all the best for this. Please do us proud.

As for being a queen, it may seem like a pretty position and to you, being a princess, may seem closer to your grasp than almost all others in the world. But being queen is not all pretty dresses, court romance and high thrones to sit on. I am sure that being a princess, you have been told this, being a queen is an enormous responsibilty, on some planets they even call their ruling monarchs "the sacrifice" who would die for any one citizen of their planet.

Are you ready to do that?

Yes, there are pretty dresses, but imagine the functions they will be worn to. What kind of diplomats or treaties will you be meeting and signing at them? Is that decision the best for the people?

Yes, there will be court romances? But the one you marry should be for the good of the planet. Queens in the past have married for love and I have yet to see one that did not end in heartbreak. And how many of these men who court you truly love you and not your position?

And the throne is just plain uncomfortable.

I am not trying to discourage your ambition of being queen, and if you are as responsible as you seem, and that you do Naboo proud by being senator, who knows? Perhaps one day you may attain your dream.

Once again, I wish you all the best in your career.

May the Force be with you.