janar_lacerra (janar_lacerra) wrote in swrp_naboo,

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Love and Hope

Atsushi has left me, it does not come as a surprise to me though, I could feel that it was coming. Its alright though, I need to focus on my many projects. The hospital being the main one at the moment. I have gotten the blueprints approved so its just a matter of finding a good contractor and starting to build. I am very excited about it. Its one of the few things that keep me positive, is thinking I can make a change, that I can make a difference in someone's life. 

Luckily I also got the Senator seat for Naboo in the Republic Senate. I absolutely love my job. It gives me a chance to do what I have always wanted to do. I have been waiting for this for many years now, since Roan first came to Naboo. I think I am doing a good job. It is stressful at times, because you have all the senators who were there before the Empire, than you have the new post-Empire ones coming in, me being one of them. They do not like us, not one bit and are at times trying to set us up to fail. I refuse to fail at this.

I suppose I feel like I need to prove myself. Prove that I am a responsible young adult. That I can do whatever I put my mind to, and that I can and will succeed at everything. I hate the feeling of failure. Its a feeling I know well though. All to well. I feel like my whole life I have failed at everything, I have failed at being a person. But not anymore.  I am not going to let anyone bring me down, why should I? I am a Princess, I am a Senator. I have what I have always wanted, I get to represent the people of Naboo, I get to try and help them. Ever since I realized I would not become queen at age 10, I knew I wanted to be a Senator. I want to follow in my mother's footsteps, even though I will never be permitted to be Queen of Naboo like my mother, by the rest of the family. I can do this, and treat it with the seriousness it should be treated, as if I was Queen. 

I guess I am just rambling now. The sore on my shoulder still has not gone away, it just seems to grow bigger and bigger, I don't really know what is wrong with it. Dr.Peacecraft hasn't a clue either, he has taken sample after sample, done all sorts of tests and still its a mystery.  It hurts a lot of the time, mostly at night when I try to sleep.

Everything has been going well lately. I have nothing to really say, which is bad.

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