Aaeryn LaCerra (rynnie_lacerra) wrote in swrp_naboo,
Aaeryn LaCerra

I don't know where to begin... but then again I never do. Everything seems to be going on a downward spiral and I am stuck and there's no-one to reach out for my hand that I wave endlessly so someone can save me. I am lying... there is someone... but it's not the person I want. I want... I want the person I am in love with, I want to be able to feel loved again.

Why? Why take away things from me? haven't I had enough? It never seems enough when it comes to me. I always find a way to ruin everything and make myself unhappy. Unhappy, I wish I was unhappy I am just plain miserable right now. Miserable and alone.

I spend my days in my room, looking up at the dome ceiling and just stay there, sometimes I cry, sometimes I don't I just stare at the ceiling. When I have to eat I go and eat but the food tastes like nothing and the drink doesn't either. The flowers don't seem as pretty as they used to be and the sky isn't as blue.

I just want to crawl under a rock and come back when everything is back in it's place... and then maybe I can regain some of the happiness I had.

Master Epsilon is worried about me, I can tell in her voice that she thinks I might be turning to the darkside... hanging out with Rahll doesn't help. It's hard not to when he tells me he's changed and that he is willing to be a father to my mother's baby and that he's really not that bad. He hasn't laid a single finger on me, only to dry a tear away. How can I compete with that? Someone who cares... I miss Poppa tremendously, he cares and I am not in danger of him wanting to kill me. I haven't seen him around lately but I am sure he's fine... he has to be because I can't mourn the lost of another parent... I just can't.

I can't do anything right and it's all my fault...
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