I have a drinking problem. I really said it and meant it.
I do not mean I miss my mouth when I attempt to drink.
It is the alcohol finds it too easily when I am hurt.
I am hurt a lot, especially recently.
I learnt my mother hadn't been happy with the man I had believed was my father.
I learnt he beat her like he beat my brother some, and myself.
All my dreams my family had once been happy were shattered.
Another dream wrenched away from me, and Gods it stung.
I am so angry at him, I want to find him and wrench his head from his neck.
To cut out his spleen and feed it to him.
To make him suffer.
As my mother did.
Why did she stay with him?
If he made her feel worthless did she not think he'd do the same to us?
All my life I have tried to make him proud of me.
I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE TO!
Sorry. It makes me irate.
My poor fiancee having to go through this with me.
I see how it hurts her.
I told her a lot though, I admitted the truth to her.
She says now things can get better.
I hope so.
She hasn't been known to be wrong before.
Goddess I love her.
I love my family very much.
I will never be like 'him'