It was kind of odd the other week. Traveling back to a place full of demons and fears to find... some good memories. With my fiancee by my side... I think it made it easier. Sad thing was, not only does this home sport and secure many of my troubles, it brings her much pain.
I wonder if we did the right thing going back.
I can't help but feel a little guilty for taking her around there and asking her to show me places of her childhood which caused her pain. It would be like her dragging me to some places of my life and forcing me into them.
I don't know. Perhaps I just feel this way for I know how she feels currently, and I don't like that, I don't like knowing she pains. I guess it is the same when I do. I just wish I could take all that hurts her and take it away. I can't though, I know I can't so I will hold her and love her and hope it helps.
Nothing else matters at the moment. I am happy to put everything else on hold, pause it, stop it... so I can spend time with her.
My family is whom has got me through and rather literally saved my life.
I would do anything for them... even give up my career... and I think my fiancee understands this. I think she is the only one whom truly has.
Before hand others claimed I was selfish, I placed myself and my work first. Yet, I would always be willing to put it on hold or give it up if my family needs me more. A lot of things that have been said to me, about me previously within my life continue to confuse me.
I doubt I will ever understand.
In other news...
It was nice to have all the team back together back home and for us to work our butts off. It has been a while. I did enjoy it. It has been a while since we were all working together.
My brother is getting married soon. Like really soon. I am excited for him, he is a lovely guy and I am glad I have finally got to know him properly. I wish them all the best.
Then there is one of my closest friends, and his fiancee... they are getting married soon too.
Then my fiancee and I.
I am so tempted to shove all the rest infront of a priest or a celebrant and tell them to get it over and done with.
I am excited. I can't wait to have a full, real family. To be joined forever.
I am a lucky man.